Sunday, February 25, 2018

I Can Write a Whole Article About This Picture

Look at this picture. Just, take a look at it. Take in as much as you can about it, because this picture is a lot. It might just be the most.

Glory/Avengelyne #1 (Chromium Variant)
So I found this on My Comic Shop, which is my go-to when it comes to buying comics online. I've tried a few other sites, and My Comic Shop is far and away the best. Thought I'd just say that since I took this picture directly from their website.

Rob Liefeld drew this. There are articles out there about awful Rob Liefeld art. This isn't one of those. It's just a quick stream of consciousness about one piece of his awful art.

What was Rob Liefeld thinking when he drew this? How in the world did he take a step back when he finished this and say to himself, "Yes. This is good. This is what people want." How did he turn this in to be printed? How did he hand this piece over with confidence? Did he have a big grin on his face when he did it? Like the cat that ate the canary? Like, "Look what I've done, guys."

I realize he was one of the founders of Image Comics, the company that put this book out. I get that. I also understand that he had his own imprints within Image called Extreme Studios and Maximum Press which put out comics of these two characters. But somewhere in that company, somewhere there had to be someone who saw this and thought, "Mm, hold on a minute."

Let's look at it a bit closer. So, the girl on the left. This is Avengelyne. I want you to look at her pose. Look at her spine. Look at how much her spine curves. Imagine what this person would look like if they stood straight up with perfect posture and not in this crazy battle pose. Look how you can see her left butt cheek even though she's facing forward. Her left arm just looks like an afterthought. Actually, anything on that side of her body looks like an afterthought. If you removed all of them the image wouldn't look any more absurd than it already does.

I'm sure he's a nice man.
Now the girl on the right. This is Glory. Look at the size discrepancy between the two characters. Glory isn't even standing up straight and her hips come up to Avengelyne's chest. Now I want you to take a look at her right hand. She's not even holding that sword! It's just kind of awkwardly positioned on the other side of her hand.

The kicker to all this, I think, is that this is a chromium cover. This cover was given special treatment. It was decided somewhere at Image that this cover that Rob Leifeld did was worthy of receiving a gimmick cover. Just a standard comic wasn't good enough for it. They had to go all out with a chromium cover.

Anyway, this comic can be yours today for $4.00. Don't miss out on having this collectible in your home. Guaranteed to put your kids through college. I'm tempted to buy it just as a conversation piece. In fact, yeah. I just added it to my wishlist. Looks like 17 other My Comic Shop users have this on their wishlist as well, but none of them have been able to pull the trigger on it just yet. That $4.00 is pretty steep, I have to admit.

Avengelyne/Glory #1
So before you jump at me about how Glory is an Amazon and she should be bigger than Avengelyne, take a look at this picture here. Same artist, same two characters, but Glory isn't a giant like she is in the other picture. This one actually looks slightly better, until you notice Avengelyne's waist that's not even as big around as her own head.

This article isn't about this picture, but real quick, just... just look at it. So Avengelyne is holding that sword by her right side but the blade is behind her left breast? What kind of M.C. Escher visual trickery are you using here, Rob?

And now Glory is the one with the crooked spine. Not that the original image was that realistic. Is her right hand even holding that sword handle? I'd say it's not. Rob didn't draw that part, so I guess we'll never know. You can use your imagination, though.

If you want this comic in your collection it's only going to set you back $2.40. You can have both of these gems for $6.40.

That's enough. I just wanted you to see what I'm seeing right now.