Sunday, January 22, 2017

Bonkers Marvel Star Wars Covers

Recently I started to become interested in comic books again, mostly vintage comics or comics that came out when I was a kid (which I guess actually makes them vintage by this point). A few nights ago I was browsing covers for the original Marvel Star Wars comics, and I discovered some interesting pieces of art.

It's interesting to me that these comics were created in a time when there was nothing other than the original movie to go off of. You have a loose screenplay adaptation in the first six issues, but beyond that you have some wild Star Wars stories that really don't quite feel like Star Wars. At least, that is, judging by the covers. Eventually they touched on Empire and Return of the Jedi, but it's mostly just, in a word, bonkers.

Below I have picked some choice covers for you to take a look at. There are quite a few of them, and they're all captioned with my thoughts. Enjoy!

Was it ever a threat that Luke would DESTROY the galaxy? Also, green
Vader. Red lightsabers. It looks more like a knockoff than an official

"Lightsabre." Remember that scene in Star Wars where Luke and Obi-Wan
went to the Cantina and just killed EVERYONE? Good times, man.

I... guess that's Chewbacca.

This definitely sounds like something Luke Skywalker would say. And
what the crap is Leia doing over there?

I like how Han has just given up already. This happens more than once.

Much like the "lightsabre" from issue #1, here's a "laser-gun." You
remember the line from the movie: "Dumb religions and old weapons are no
equal for a decent laser-gun by your side, child." Classic Han...

What... who are these people? Is that woman in a pink feather boa
over there in Chewie's crotch? If this doesn't scream "Star Wars" then
I don't know what does.

This buff rabbit thing kills me. Looks like it lost its shirt between issues.
Everyone is just breathing in space like it's no big deal. The Cloud Riders
is such a... wimpy name for something Han Solo seems so distraught over.

Does Chewbacca have a tendency to stop shooting? Because this is
two issues in a row Han has told him to keep firing.

Luke clearly knows the ship is sinking, but he's still telling the droids to
get inside the ship. This issue: The Watery Fate of R2 and 3P0!
So we've got a hoodlum from the 70s, a tough guy from the 70s, a vague
G.I. Joe character, and a soldier on a boat with a red lightsaber wielding
Luke Skywalker. Yep, this is Star Wars! And check out that horrified 3P0!

First of all, "Star Warriors?" Groaaaannnn! Then we have the floating
disembodied heads of our favorite Star Wars characters! We have Han, we
have Chewbacca, we have the hilarious droids C-3P0 and R2-D2, we have
Luke, and we have... the green bunny!

The droids and these two weird aliens get to hang back and watch Han
literally get murdered. I love how C-3P0 is pointing at the screen, too.

If the vacuum of space doesn't do you in first, Han. Let's be real here.
"This ca-raaaaazy arena!" "You gotta kill me!!"

Is this a giant Darth Vader or are these just tiny living chess pieces?
And who is Vader holding in his left hand? I really can't tell.

Yes, "Keep running," R2. Use your legs. It actually looks like R2 is rolling
TOWARDS the enemies behind them. I guess they just drew him so it
looks like he's leaning forward, but that's not how R2 works.

HOW BIG IS THAT STORMTROOPER?! No wonder Leia thought Luke
was small for a stormtrooper if this is what she's used to. Good lord.

That is a VERY phallic worm on the cover, guys. Do you want to maybe
redraw that? No? No, you're just going to send it out like... okay. Okay.
Now it's forever.

Why is Vader so mad at this little projection of C-3P0? 3P0 looks like he's
trying to explain why something is broken to his dad. Which, I guess
Vader technically IS his dad since he made him. So Luke is his brother?
Does C-3P0 have force powers?!

Just... check out the booty on that droid.

Looks like Han Solo has gone a bit soft in the midsection. He actually looks
like a dad cosplaying as Han Solo. And everyone in here just stopped what
they were doing when Han and company walked in. There was probably
a record scratch sound, too.

First of all, Han looks absolutely crazed. Second, what's up with Chewie? He
looks like he's about the same height as Han, too! I don't like this picture
at all.

Han DGAF. Do it, you coward.

Whoa, Han! Calm down! That's a bit of an overreaction!

Is this The Joker with Leia at knife point? You'll have to read to find
out, true believer!

What is happening here?! Leia and some guy are smashing through a
window, crashing through a crystal chandelier, saving Luke from arty
insects wearing berets. I guess that about sums it up.

What is going on in this wacky scene?! Rabbits on the loose, stray
gunfire, Luke has his lightsaber out... this issue has everything. I like
Luke's face, too.

These look more like Bond girls than Star Wars girls. Especially Leia.

One word: Lando. And why is that bug guy back there creeping behind
Leia? And the bunny things? And don't even get me started on
Chewbacca's face.
And there you have it! This is the first thing I've done on here that wasn't strictly video game related, so I think it's a nice change of pace. May the force be with you. Always.

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